Whispering to Remember - Christmas 2017

Hope - Peace - Joy - Love - The Four Candles of Advent

It's Christmas 2017.
One entire year of the Trump Administration.

Usually reflecting on the year, no matter how hard, is a joy...
we have each other...
we will get through.

During the four weeks of Advent, one of my favorite traditions is the Advent Wreath.
We have four candles, three purple and one pink, set in a circle.
We get to light one each week...so that by the time Christmas comes around,
there is serious light in the darkness...
four bright candles...shining triumphantly.
Holding open the spot...creating space for a baby...and a miracle...and family.

I was pregnant at Christmas time twenty five years ago.
All these years later, I cherish that extra special time of singing and preparing for two babies during that Advent in 1992,
not just one.

But this year is different.

I feel the weight of a year's worth of lies.
A year's worth of looking the other way.
A year's worth of pretending everything is ok.

I feel the crushing crashing of dreams of so many Americans withering on the vine...
this week it is grad students due to the tax bill that gives massive deductions to corporations over its citizens...
months ago, it was those with disabilities...
those with medical conditions...
...people of color...
...women...
...the LGBTQ community...
...or immigrants...
...or refugees...
...or children.

A year ago, I could feel an entire nation of children's eyes watching the adults in the room
make excuses...
it doesn't matter that she's never been in a public school classroom...
or that he derides the Environmental Protection Agency...
or that he flies private planes all over the United States at our expense...
lower your eyes...
pretend you don't see.

Are our children any better twelve months later?
Sadly, no.

They've seen open racism and half-hearted excuses.

They've witnessed their President UNwelcome entire nations of people.

The've had to accept a new normal and the sickening taunts of a president...
corruption and people so achingly out-in-the-open greedy that it insults those that work to teach integrity and honesty.
They've witnessed the open disregard for suffering people in Puerto Rico...
the pointed, barbed insults to people hidden in the shadows working for our safety...
the FBI, the CIA...
and our press...
daily derided...
with blatant untruths...
and intentional misinformation.

*****

This Christmas I want to whisper who we are.I want to remind each of us what it means to be American.

Like the Advent candles, first I offer HOPE.We are better than this.
Integrity.
Character.
Honesty.
Humility.
THESE THINGS STILL MATTER.
Millions resist openly.
Millions more resist in the smallest of ways.
Two-thirds of us...the majority of us say NO.

Light the candle of hope...and see how it breaks the darkness.
The second offering is LOVE.
Love is opening the circle wider...building a longer table...
love is recognizing fear and still pushing up your sleeves to do the work.
Love is the answer...the only response to racism and sexism.
Love is knowing that all humans are equal and working against injustice...
it's seeing yourself in the stranger.
It is living in the present moment.
What can I do right now?
and then taking the first step to begin.

Choose love and you change the trajectory.

Ours is not a small God...the endless, timeless beauty of the universe whispers the grandeur of Higher Love.
Seize it.
Breathe it in.
It is yours everyday for the taking...
grace in the ordinary.

Can you hear the murmurings??

The third offering is JOY.
With so much hatred, corruption and villainy...joy can be hard to find...but it is there.
There, in the ironic plot twist of a transgender women winning the seat away from someone who bragged that he was "Chief Homophobe" in Virginia.
In the way the sun still sets...the clouds still swirl across the sky...
the perfect simplicity of a cup of tea...or an act of kindness...a baby's laugh...a toddler's wonder...
rain on a rooftop...clothes fresh from a dryer...firefighters who work to save houses...and teachers who read out loud to students stories that bind us together.
Pick up a rock.
Try to watch the dance of a snowflake.
Gather friends together and cherish their company.
Walk your dog.
Hug your kid.
Dance.

Laugh.

The last offering is PEACE.This seems like a wish.
A fantasy.
Something out of reach.
But tonight I listened to a mother who had to bury her first grader after he was murdered at his elementary school in Newtown live her life with forgiveness at its core.
Five years after every mother's worst heartbreak, a woman named Scarlett showed me the way.
Forgiveness carries peace on its wings.
Scarlett mentioned:
Nurturing, Healing Love.
She wants every human to have that and recognizes that her child's killer was unable to
either receive or give love.

One year of Trump's despicable behavior...his devastating cruelty...his duplicitous companions that tolerate the tarnishing of all that is sacred about our country...
one entire year.

Advent offers light in the darkness.
My whisper blows it forward...
to you...
to another you...and another you...
as Pope Francis said in his TED Talk:
"Hope begins with you and then another you and another you
until it becomes US.
When there is an us, there is a Revolution of Tenderness."

I'm ready for the Revolution.

I know you are too...
let us begin.
Light the candle.
Notice the warmth.
Offer it to others.
Remember the way home.
Be honest.
Work hard.
Resist.

We are better than this.
Demand it.

Grace Bats Last

I didn't mean to do it.

I was rushing - trying to get my kids to school - calculating the opportunity cost of three minutes , maybe it would be two, of putting on my shoes.

No time.

I couldn't afford another tardy.

I broke my ankle last August and the sheer obstacle course of living my life without bearing weight on one of my legs for eight weeks made for quite a few tardies in my son's life.

So, on this rainy day, I walked barefoot to my car.

Dropped the kids off successfully.

Went to get out of my car and my feet landed in a very small puddle.

It was a foot baptism.

It brought me to the moment.

Took me out of my to-do list...

my oh-my-gosh-our-world-has-gone-nuts list...

my distracted movement through my days...

to a tiny puddle.

It felt so good that a thought popped into my mind:

take Buddy for a walk, barefoot.

I did just that.

Giggling at the craziness.

Enjoying the light-heartedness.

Relishing my ankle's new found strength...

I baptized myself.

It was just what my heart needed.

I want you know something very important:

YOU and YOU alone know your path to healing.

Even if its weird, or makes no sense, or seems impossible like walking the Pacific Crest Trail did for Cheryl Strayed, you know it.

So I walked and felt the bumpy earth, the soft grass, the twigs and leaves still left on the ground.

I walked and thought of all the many people who can't walk, who are in a hospital fighting for their life, in a prison locked away, in a grief stupor too deep to feel anything...and felt the breath of grace.

As I walked, I reminded myself of my warm shower, my cozy clothes, my very happy stripe-y umbrella and again thought of the blessings I often do not notice.

This past week-end, dear friends of mine celebrated their eight day old son's Bris.

They called it Superbowl Bris Day.

What's a Bris?

It is a celebration of life - an ancient faith-filled tradition for people of the Jewish faith.

At the Bris, the family reveals the Hebrew name they have given their son.

Etan's Hebrew name is Elie Shimon.

He is named after two incredible heroes of the Jewish faith that passed away while his mother was pregnant with him.

Elie Wiesel and Shimon Peres...

one a Nobel prize winning author and Holocaust survivor, 

the other an Israeli politician that was both the President and the Prime Minister...

and peace-maker.

Watching Etan's family welcome him in such a mindful, intentional way was humbling and healing.

Having the opportunity to read these words at his Bris is a gift I hold very close to my heart:

"You are your parents' dream realized, their hopes fulfilled.

You are the latest and best chapter in the unfolding lives of your family.

You are a bridge over which we, who welcome you, can gaze from this day into future days, 

from our generation into yours.

You are the newest link in the endless chain of our shared history."

Etan's parents shared a powerful quote of Elie Wiesel's:

"Mankind must remember that peace is not God's gift to us,

peace is our gift that we give to each other."

Peace.

Like the rain, at some moments it is ever-present and at other times it can feel far off.

It is within our grasp.

We must only stop and stare with wonder and joy at the gifts showered upon us every single day.

So, for today...I'm grateful for the rain.

For my dog.

For being able to be barefoot and steady...

for friendship and faith...

blessings and grace.

Mostly, I'm grateful for love.

It is sovereign here.

Help! Thanks! and Wow! The Combo Platter

I got a phone call a couple of weeks ago from my sister-in-law asking me if I would be willing to say the blessing before the Rehearsal Dinner of my nephew, Andrew, and his bride, Jenny.

I paused.

I'm a big fan of blessings...any kind.

Lord knows we need them...

but I don't really feel like the person who should be giving them out.

But, this was a special ask...and of course, I couldn't say no.

At the end of the conversation there came a reminder,

"You know, Beth, not everyone who will be at the wedding is Catholic, so..."

and the unspoken message that this can't be too preachy...

too religious...

too Jesus-y.

Of course.

Now what?

I was gifted with the blessing of giving a blessing.

I had better figure it out.

It's been 32 days since I broke my ankle...

who's counting?

Me!

Which means that my normal gift of thinking deeply in the shower just hasn't been with me.

I'm too worried about not bearing any weight on my ankle in a slippery shower.

All of my focus is on the task at hand...

no time to think.

Like a yoga practice, I usually enter the shower with an intention.

Let my mind tumble it over as the water pours over me...

but all of that had gone out the window with my broken ankle.

After the conversation with Audrey, I tried to think of a simple blessing.

I wanted it to contain the magic of love,

the gift of family,

the power of the sublime mysterious.

In the shower, I was profoundly grateful to see my ankle, however swollen, once again.

My cast was off and I could (slightly) stretch this newborn ankle.

I could shower without a covering over my leg.

I still could not bear any weight...but I felt less broken.

I let the water run down and soaked in thanksgiving.

Thank you!

Thank you Dr. Angel for setting it right.

Thank you bones for slowly healing.

Thank you city for clean, hot water.

Thank you shower and soap and suds.

Thank you.

And that's when I remembered:

Anne Lamott

She's the one who distilled every prayer ever written in any faith into three simple one word prayers:

Help!

Thanks!

Wow!

Her book by the same title had intrigued me...

was it really possible to simplify prayer that much?

For me, for Anne, it was.

And so it came to be that in a candlelit room last Friday night I found the simple words to bless a beautiful couple.

Andrew and Jenny.

Andrew was a Wow from the very start.

My first chance to be an aunt.

A smart, funny, darling guy...who found his match in kind, intelligent Jenny.

Another Wow.

A Wow for the gorgeous spot where you are choosing to marry - Carmel, California.

A giant-sized WOW that both sets of parents are still married and here in this moment, healthy, 

getting to see this gift.

A Wow for the family and friends who traveled so far to be here.

A Wow for love and the magic of connection.

Just Wow.

And then there's Help.

I'm in the middle of the Help prayer almost everyday with this ankle so...

please always remember to ask for Help.

Look at this room, take a mental picture, remember this moment forever...

...because these are your 2am people.

You can ask any of us at any time to come and Help.

We will.

Look at each other and don't be afraid to yell Help!

You will need it...

marriage is like that.

And finally, there is Thanks!

Thank you for this country that lets us gather and keeps us safe and envelopes us in freedom.

Thank you for the careful parenting and love that has always surrounded you both so that you could be ready to find another.

Thank you for health.

For love.

For Anne Lamott and 

three simple prayers...

for blessings and blessed moments.

Thank you for the gift of family and friends.

Most especially, thank you for this moment right now:

A crystal moment of pure love and joy.

Sometimes one simple prayer isn't enough.

Sometimes you need the combo platter...

a deluxe portion of all three.

Last Friday night was one of those times.

Help! Thanks! and a whole lotta Wow!

Thank you for such a gift.

Blessings to you, Andrew and Jenny.

Congratulations! 

Washing Your Hands

Lately, the world seems to put me in very weird situations.

It seems to be asking me

no, demanding of me,

that I stop and take notice.

NOW.

Tonight I ended up in a care home for people who are needing a whole lot of medical care.

The person whose room I visited was a complete stranger.

I was visiting with the person who was going to visit her...

and somehow, I got included in on the visit.

This person has been struggling with a severe health crisis since June.

She is completely immobile.

She cannot move her fingers.

Cannot move her legs or arms hardly at all.

She is dependent on someone to feed her, offer her a drink, move her...

virtually everything.

Yet, here she was...bright eyes, kind smile, warm and welcome.

The good news is that she will very likely completely recover.

The bad news is that it will take a while.

A long while.

As we made small talk about favorite TV shows...or good singers...my mind wanted to curl up into the corner of that room and just sob at the arduous journey this single mother of three is on.

I wanted to scream and yell and demand the process to hurry...

Yet, there she was...grace in the flesh.

On the path, she'd made peace with it somehow, and showed us the way.

After the visit, I went to the restroom and I washed my hands.

I lingered in the warm water...moved my fingers, fiddled with my ring...

said a holy hello to these instruments of joy that I never properly thank 

as they toil day in and day out.

Hands...thank you.

Feet...thank you.

Eyes and ears and tongue and mouth and lungs...

THANK YOU.

Thank you for this gift.

Right now.

Offered freely every day.

Thank you for friends who visit others in hospitals and can't help 

but hug you right into the visit yourself.

Thank you for the gift of grace...

rescuing me...

encouraging me...

inspiring me.

If your body allows it, go hug someone.

Go sing.

Go dance.

Go laugh and cook and cherish and read and love.

Make a phone call.

Take a deep breath and wash your hands.

The ABC's of Graduation

Stay cool.

**Jack is graduating and I've been writing several different notes to him as part of a graduation gift. 
This is the third in that series.**
***

Just the other day I was talking to one of my resident teachers.  She's very pregnant, expecting her first baby, and the unmistakeable joy of this was sucking me in like that little whirlpool at the end of a bath.  I just wanted to soak up the anticipation. Wanted to bask in the newness and the miracle of her new baby-to-be.

We were talking board books and of course, 
I had my fair share of favorites to tell her about.  
I was right there. 
Could picture my baby bag stuffed with the board books that shared your baby days.

That moment of your babyhood was so vibrant and so tangible it made me swallow hard.
How can that be so real...and yet, so long ago?

Time is weird.

So, in honor of your board books and the many happy days of ABC books, Dr. Seuss, Captain Underpants, Harry Potter and the rest, I thought I would write you your very own set of ABC's.


Here, my friend, are the ABC's of Graduation...
life after formal school...
otherwise known as "the Real World".

I told you my approach when I was faced with that nervous situation...more school. :)
It worked for me.

But, we both know that more school, although probably in your future, isn't going to happen immediately after graduation so here's a little Real World advice,
using the alphabet.

*****

A-Attitude -- We know this to be a truth but sometimes we blow it off, or try to belittle it, but the truth is: you can get through the most hellish situation with a good attitude. How you frame the difficulty in your mind will be the path through which you surmount it.  If you believe you can't, you won't.  And, life is just so much more pleasant when you are around someone with a good attitude, a can-do-it approach and the ability to make the best of a true crap sandwich.

B-Believe -- You are the captain of your ship. Believe it. Set your course and see it through...but don't forget to stop at an island or two. Believe in yourself.  Believe in the beauty of your dreams. Believe in miracles and magic. Just believe.

C-Curiosity -- Stay curious...learn new things...contemplate the mysteries in our world...you'll never grow old if you stay curious.

D-Dream -- There are so so many paths to take, so many options wide open for you...life is expansive and full of possibilities and the only limits that you have are the ones you put on yourself...dream so big, Jack!

E-Excellence -- Autograph your work with excellence...take care to do the small job with care and the bigger ones will follow the same way.  Every job you complete has your signature...take the time and the care to do your best each time.

F-Family -- Family is everything...your support system, your 9-1-1 emergency crew, your middle of the night, call anytime people...they are always, ALWAYS, always here for you, cheering you on. 

G-Guts -- There is no easy button. So you have to go after things that matter to you and you have to have guts.  No guts, no glory, my friend.

H-Heart -- Live your life with your heart wide open...risk it all for love...hearts heal but the heart that plays it safe will never know just how big and open and full of love our world is...

I- Intuition-- Trust it. Follow it...no questions asked. Trust yourself to know your path...you know best.

J-Joy-- There are pockets of joy to be scooped up every single day -- look for their glitter and sprinkle it around...our world needs more joy.

K-Kindness--There's a famous quote that says: "If you have the choice to be kind or to be right, choose kind." I really wish I had heard that sooner on my path. Choose kind. Every.time. Life is just way too hard for any other choice. Everyone you know is struggling with something...most people play it very very close to the vest and only if you're lucky will they reveal their heart...but the struggles are real and kindness goes a long long way.

L-Laugh -- You know I'm a fan of laughing...in fact, I think it is a very necessary quality for a spouse and said so when I wrote this: marry the guy who makes you laugh  If you can laugh together, you have a very good chance of getting through the hard stuff...and the regular stuff will be a lot more fun too.

M-Magic and Miracles -- For some people, magic goes away around age 12. They've figured out David Copperfield's secrets. They know that the Muppets have someone hiding under there making them move. They are wise to the wily work of adults and they start to think that magic is just a fun story for little kids. I'm not in that crowd. For me, magic (and miracles) are everywhere...in the pink tipped color in an otherwise white rose; in a coffee cake muffin made at the Davis Food Co-op (otherwise known as crack with a crumb topping), in a spider's web, in a moment that holds a brush of skin or a held gaze for a fraction longer than needed that suddenly changes the course of a life.  It's in the crazy coincidence that suddenly makes everything else make sense. It's there. Please notice.

N-Never Take No For An Answer -- Honestly, if you know it's right, if you really know in your heart that this is what needs to happen, just keep pounding on the door, making some noise, keep asking the question and find another way...don't take no for an answer, ever...unless it doesn't matter that much...then, just let it go.

O-Outside the Box-- Actually my preference is no box at all...but often times the world presents you with a puzzle that seems confining and with no solution. Think differently. Try upside down or inside out or under ground.  There is a solution...you just have to get creative and blow the barriers off.

P-Prayer -- There is a tendency to think we know it all...or at the very least Google what we don't know...sometimes we just don't know.  It's confusing. Makes no sense and seems frightening. Finding time for prayer will help. Make time for it...no one needs to know. Just make a space in your day for it...it will help, I promise. 

Q-Quiet -- If you make time for prayer you'll be given the gift of quiet...soak it up.  Our world is a very noisy place and getting noisier.  Find a space to settle down...into the quiet so you can hear the whispers of your heart.

R-Ruh-roh-- That's how Scooby Doo says it...being able to say uh-oh is a very good skill.  We don't have all the answers...very very often, things turn to mush. Things don't make sense and that's okay. When things get confusing, when crap goes down, when life pours a whole crap ton of lemons on you a little ruh-roh might just help. Take a deep breath and just know that the confusion is part of the process and all you can do is acknowledge it.

S-Service to others -- This, right here, is the ground zero of a happy life. Honestly, if you are out of whack...messed up...upside down...get back to serving others.  It will make everything make sense.

T-Thankful heart-- You know how I feel about taking the time to be grateful...at least I hope you do...counting your blessings is real...no joke, no Hallmark card...real life help in seeing just how many blessings you have and trust me, you have a million even on your worst day. Picture your biggest nightmare come true: still, there would be people and moments that are worth thanking. BTW, do not forget the power of an in-real-life thank you note...let someone know, really, how much you appreciate their time or encouragement or their efforts on your behalf.  It will make a world of difference.

U-Unexamined life -- It's not worth living.  You know it. Stop. Pause. Examine. Revisit ideas that you are really invested in...are they still worth your time and energy? Only you will know...but only if you take the time to check in and make sure.

V- Voice -- Spoiler alert: you are the very own you that will ever exist. Ever. It's so crazy and amazing and still we just act so casual about it...100% irreplaceable. Please, please, please know your true, vast, miraculous essence and let your voice be heard. None of the rest of us know what you are thinking, dreaming, hoping, praying, creating unless you share it. It would be a tragedy to never know. Speak up. Share it. The world will be better with your voice being heard.

W-Wonder -- This is part of being curious...every day, literally every day, there are wonders to notice.  Today I saw the world's tiniest red spider. How can it survive? Where does it live? What does it eat? Flecks of dust? Honestly, there is so much to wonder about that it can take your breath away. If you stop wondering...take a mental health day and find your happy place because you've landed in the doldrums.

X- XOXO -- Never think you're too big, too sophisticated, too special for a little xoxo love. Grandma still signs every card with that hug and kiss assortment. We need it.

Y-Yoga Yield -- Sometimes the only answer is to yield...to be soft...to release the hold. If you're ever stuck and you find yourself gripping something tighter, try it. It just might blow your mind.

Z- Zzzzzzz -- When it all gets to be too much, just snuggle up and take a little nap or better yet, hibernate. Sleep really does make everything better. The new day, the fresh start, the second chance is the gift of sleep. I know it's not sexy.  I know it's not what you want to hear, but just head to bed. Your great grandma is right:"Nothing good ever happens after midnight." (I might lengthen that to 1am, but you get the point!)

Have Courage, Be Kind and Find a Little Bit of Magic...

This week-end was World Down Syndrome Day.

I almost always think of the new mom...

the pregnant mom...

the twosome that suddenly turned into a threesome and then got a big surprise...

Down Syndrome snuck into the room.

"Go away, right now." They want to scream.

"We want our perfect baby."

"We want a trouble-free childhood."

Milestones met easily. 

No difficult conversations.

No messy situations.

But Down Syndrome is stubborn...and it will not be leaving the party.

Those new parents will hear all of the difficulties up front.

A doctor or geneticist will think they are being kind and they will lay out as if it were the assortment of utensils used in Downton Abbey's famous dinners, the numerous potential difficulties of life with Down Syndrome.

I often wonder how parents of typical infants would react if they too were seated 

and forced to listen to all of the difficulties that their children may face.

What would they say?

Their faces squinty-eyed searching their tiny treasure for any sign that the potential things listed might be present right this very minute or showing up at any moment.

*****

I get it.

I was you once...searching for other families with three children and looking at them longingly.

Why isn't my family like that?

Get this interloper out.now.

On this day, 363 days until we have a chance to celebrate Down Syndrome with the world again,

 I'd like to offer up some truth.

I've been hanging around people with Down Syndrome on a regular basis for fifteen years.

Down Syndrome is not a rude guest.

Down Syndrome provides you with something you may never have had before...

glittering eyes.

Down Syndrome is full of magic...

so unlikely...

so improbable...

that people discount it and never notice.

If you are pals with Down Syndrome, you see miracles. full fledged miracles. frequently.

You see the tenderness and joy that is so raw and so real that it takes your breath away.

You see the power of hope.

You witness just how powerful love really is.

You see people dealing with adversity in a humble, stoic way. 

They just deal with it. Don't belabor it. 

Courage in every way.

You learn how to live in this moment right now...not rehashing the past or planning the future.

Right now.

Turns out that's what matters.

It just so happened that World Down Syndrome Day aligned with Patrick's 

one and only basketball tournament with Special Olympics.

He got himself up and ready and filled up the water bottle.

We listened to songs to pump ourselves up.

We put our game face on...

only that's not a thing in Special Olympics because when you walk out, 

your team-mates are loose and ready...and oh so happy to see you.

Cheering for you, actually.

They might be wearing fox ears.

They could be needing a new jersey.

They might be talking to themselves...or have anger issues.

But the rag tag group is a team and they are happy for the opportunity.

Watching Patrick play basketball, none of it is easy.

The player whose vision prevents him from being able to dribble in any way.

The player who likes to defend a little too enthusiastically.

The player who has a sweet shot from only one tiny spot on the court...but when it gets up...when it has a chance to fly,

man, it's nothing but net.

In these games, every point is hard won.

Nothing comes easy.

Even taking the ball inbound can be tricky.

The scores are low -- but the spirits are high.

Miraculously, Patrick's team won their second round of games and they would be playing the 

Gold Medal Game!

We came home, gathered the troops and went back for the game.

The stands were full.

The players were ready...nothing had changed.

No stressful coaching talks.

No pressure from the other players or the parents to perform.

Just another game.

The teams were very evenly matched.

There were miracle shots on both sides.

There was joy and acceptance and fun -- cheers from the crowd and high fives from friends.

Double overtime.

Down from behind.

Patrick's team recovers and impossibly shoots to win, with seconds left.

It was a Gold Medal Moment.

I squished that moment in my heart. 

Tried to feel it and know its smoothness.

I had my parents cheering, my children cheering, my husband cheering  -- 

I wanted to transport any new parent and 

like the Ghost of Christmas Future show you what you are in for...

Down Syndrome is a glue...

it's sticky and attracts the most amazing people.

People like Patrick's Special Olympics basketball coach who on his first day of spring break as a junior high teacher of students with disabilities is front and center organizing the groups and passing out jerseys.

People who have at their core a deep understanding of what matters.

What's real.

What's important.

That glitter glue attracts people who are:

Selfless

Honest

Trustworthy

Dependable

Loving

Optimistic

Encouraging

Problem-solvers

People who get stuff done.

*****

Our family went to see the new Cinderella movie.

It's a beautiful escape with a wonderful message:

Have courage, be kind and find a little bit of magic.

Those words are my truth.

That is the definition of Down Syndrome:

courage, kindness, magic.

New momma, you are in for some serious magic.

But you must take your glittering eyes and really see.

In the most unlikely of places,

with the most unlikely of people,

you will be blessed.

Blessed by love, kindness, friendship and the clarity to see what counts.

I wish for you not just a Gold Medal World Down Syndrome Day,

I wish for you a glittering, gold medal Down Syndrome life.

A wonderful life.in.every.way.

Welcome.

What Love Is

So...do you remember the young couple I wrote to over here in the blog piece, 

What I Want You To Know?

Well a lot has happened since that time.

Just a few days after that post, sweet baby Jonah was born nine weeks early.

It was a traumatic birth for both mother and baby...brutal, difficult, scary.

all.the.way.around.

Not one single step has been easy for sweet Jonah.

There were definitely moments where Jonah's life was in danger as well as his mom's.

Do you know what I've seen from Jonah's mom and dad, time and time again?

LOVE.

I've seen shy smiles.

I've seen tenderness and gentleness and overwhelming care for their tiny bundle.

They've been there waiting to hold him, love him, whisper to him and talk to him.

They've read him board books, brought loved ones over to see him and generally have been keeping vigil over their most precious son.

This, my friends, is what love looks like.

While ISIS does it's vicious, evil deeds in Syria and Iraq,

while Ebola becomes a common topic for discussion,

a new mom and dad are over here loving their precious son...

and letting him know in every way, every day that they are here for him.

Love is so very patient...tending and watching.

Love is kind...to nurses and doctors and others who are in the way...but always to that bundle.

Love isn't asking for an easier path.

Love isn't rude or self-seeking or easily angered.

Always protecting.

Always trusting.

Always hoping.

Love shows up.

Day in and day out.

Even when it's really hard and you don't want to.

Sweet baby Jonah is doing much better.

He's still in the hospital but he's getting chubby.

He's had his surgery for his intestinal blockage.

He's even had a bath!

He's getting real nutrition and beginning to have opinions...which is always a good sign.

Jonah is blessed to know deep, abiding love.

I couldn't be more grateful for Jeff and Melissa's example.

They are grace-in-the-ordinary dealing with extraordinary circumstances.

Melissa and Jeff -- congratulations to you both.

Through your love for each other and for Jonah you are changing the world.

We can't help but want to be more like you.

Love never fails.

You know that.

Thanks for the reminder.

I Know She Can Do It...But, Why Do I Have To?

courtesy of Katie Daisy Art

One day after I came home from dropping her back off at college to begin her sophomore year,
I steeled myself for the pain of the fridge.

Like the ice bucket challenge, I knew it was going to take my breath away, make me cringe, force me to do something I really didn't want to do at all.
I was going to have to deal with the ingredients...
her ingredients.

You see, my little chickadee likes to bake.
She bakes when she's bored.
She bakes when she's nervous or stressed-out.
She bakes for no reason...just to get a nice smell in the house.

Someday, she is going to make her own family very very happy.

Now, you understand my thickening middle.
When you next see me, just smile with understanding and kindness...please?

In that fridge, I found ricotta.
(For the record, never, in my adult life have I purchased ricotta.
Mary Kate has purchased more in her teen life than most non-Italians have in their whole life.)
For Ina Garten's Ricotta Orange Pound Cake...or maybe that's Giada's recipe?
I found chocolate frosting...left over from Patrick's Heart Day cake.
I found a whole tray of Lonna's insane pumpkin bars only partially eaten.

We are human after all -- our stomachs are finite.

What's a mom to do?

I lingered over the ingredients but knew they needed to go.

She's not going to be back until Thanksgiving...and by then it will just be gross.
Better to dive in right now, peel off the band-aid and face the truth.
She's gone -- for awhile.

Four plates at our table, not five.
No more blaring country music when I start my car.
No more moments of friction for dirty dishes, underwear lounging in places it shouldn't or endless TV marathons.

Dang it.

I know.  I know.
It's what you want and hope and pray for.
This is a very good problem to have.
She's happy.
She's found her spot.

It's just that I'm not in it.

My girlie and I go round and round.
Ours is not the companionable, mellow, obedient, docile relationship that some mothers and daughters seem (from the outside) to have.
Mary Kate and I have contentious, fractious moments.
But she trusts me with her confidences.
She shares herself.
She makes room for me...and if that isn't the biggest gift ever for a mom,
well then I can't think what it could be.

We just want a tiny, little bit of room.
A text.
A funny phone call.
A silly facebook inbox.
A tweet.
A shout out.
An Instagram shot, tagged with a hilarious hashtag.
Any tiny morsel.

Cause you know why?
You've got the whole kit and caboodle from us over here.
You have our whole heart.
Our full attention.
Our breath inhales and exhales with thoughts of you.
All the time.
Even when you think we aren't looking...
we are.

So baby girl, while I know you are flying high.
Send a feather or two to your ground crew.
We already miss you and it's been two days.

Dang it.

Be careful.
Be safe.
Be noble.
Be great.
Be smart.
Be funny -- that's a for sure.
Be honest.
Be gentle -- to others AND yourself.

But don't forget to just be.

Just sit in that wonderful quiet and know yourself.

You're pretty great.

Go show the world.

Your fan club awaits.

What I Want You To Know

***This is an open letter to a couple I met for dinner last week who are expecting their first child who happens to be prenatally diagnosed with Down Syndrome and in that moment, my mouth clammed up. I talked about sauvignon blanc and bike riding.  I had so much to say that I had to just wait until it could bubble out.  Right now seems like a good time to let it all come tumbling out.**

*****

I have so much on my heart right now.

So much I want you to know.

First off, I don't even know you but I am proud of you.

YOU CHOSE LIFE!

When the world was telling you otherwise.

When the world was spitting fear and prejudice and ignorance...

you could drown out the noise and hear that little heartbeat from within whispering 

the goodness, the miracle, the truth that you could trust.

It is all going to be okay.

You got through the first really big hurdle that 90% of the population doesn't make.

You chose life.

You won't regret it.

Ever.

Because by choosing life...

you really chose love.

And I don't care how cliche it is...

love truly does conquer all.

If you make a choice out of a loving place,

you will always be right.

And if you choose fear,

most of the time,

you will be wrong.

Simple as that.

This precious baby is welcome and wanted and loved.

Right now.

In this moment.

And that is enough.

Having a baby is miraculous.

You get it.

I suspect, you are going to rock this whole experience.

Seeing your bright eyes.

Hearing your hopes and plans.

Watching you together...

just made me want to start climbing that staircase in the Rocky movie and sing that song.

You got this.

So what do I want you to know?

Don't listen to experts.

Don't listen to professionals.

You know best.

Oh wait, clearly, you know that already.

Ok, next...

Listen to your heart.

Follow your gut.

Open yourself up and the universe will guide you.

Oh, wait, you've already done that.

Clearly, you're awesome.

I guess I want to tell you to hold that baby close.

Snuggle and cherish.

I have no doubt you will do this...but do it more.

It just goes too fast.

Your baby is good enough.

You are good enough.

And somehow 

good enough mom and dad + good enough kid = extraordinary family

I don't know the chemistry...but you got it.

Laugh a lot.

Poop, and fatigue, and nursing and babies in general make for crazy funny moments.

My husband brushed his teeth with Desitin in a sleep-deprived fog.

He knew that glossy shine wasn't quite right but he didn't slow down enough to question the fact.

He paid a white-toothed-slime price.

But we still laugh about it many years later.

And that leads me to quite possibly the very best gift this baby is going to give you...

the ability to slow down.

Your baby's pace will be exactly right.

And because he's first, it will be unfolding without any kind of toe-tapping antsy-ness.

One day, that baby will smile...angels will sing, goosebumps will appear and it will be like nothing you've ever experienced.

Each milestone will be savored and treasured.

Every step a victory.

Your baby will allow you to settle down, calm down and just be present...

for his presence.

And that is a gift I wish every person on the planet could know.

Slow is beautiful.

That is my take away.

Slow it all down.

Take a lot of pictures (and videos).

Read a whole bunch of board books.

Shake some rattles.

Stare a lot.

Stare some more.

Because there is no doubt that you are privileged to witness something very special...

and it won't be lost on you.

You are brave, adventurous, loving and accepting.

In exchange for all of those wonderful qualities, you get a son.

Seems pretty fair to me.

You're my kind of people.

I'm honored to know you.

Welcome home.