Yesterday is was annoyingly windy and it was Saturday. We couldn't really hang outside, we couldn't go bike riding, we couldn't plant our garden and we were tired of movies at home. You were busy so we decided to take the two little guys bowling. We got the funky shoes, found the right brightly colored balls and then I looked up. Your dad had listed the order of bowlers on the super cool screen up above our lane for all to see...Studmaster was present. I laughed. And then I thought about it. It's a rare, rare day when I don't laugh around him. Your dad has a hilarious sense of humor. He is Will Ferrell, the Three Stooges, Spongebob and Dennis Miller blended into some crazy hybrid of raunchy, inappropriate, on-the-mark, goofball humor.
I submit my evidence for your dad's lasting humor:
1) First app on his I-phone. Take a guess -- I dare you. No, not the special Garmin GPS system. No, not Pandora. Not the Google app. It was I-fart. I kid you not. To this day, years later, I will find him giggling or all out laughing with farting sounds emitting from his phone. For months he tried, often successfully, to leave his phone out so that you or Jack might pick it up and it would let loose like some sort of high tech whoopie cushion. Let's not even discuss Fatbooth.
2) Our first date. No, it wasn't a romantic dinner for two. It wasn't a moonlit stroll. It wasn't even to a hip destination. After our cheap Mexican dinner and assorted missteps, we ended up at a video arcade/bowling alley. I impressed him with my rad Centipede skills -- (hey who uses quarters for laundry when you can play Centipede in the rec room of your dorm?) He dominated an old-fashioned pinball machine...love bloomed.
3) Your dad draws cartoons. He has this creative river just running under the surface. It is wicked funny.
4) Your dad has brushed his teeth with Desitin. He has had baby Patrick barf directly in his mouth as he held him up for that cheesy dad-moment of holding him up so high. He had you look him in the eye at age two in toddler fury and yell: "You sshhhtooka!!!" He's dealt with imaginary bees buzzing in Jack's preschool dream in the middle of the night and ended up convincing our terrorized tot that he had just annihilated the swarm by slamming his hand hard against the wall. Each and every time, he laughs his butt off when it's over. He high fives himself and soldiers on, gladly accepting every bizarre badge of courage or craziness that fatherhood bestows on him.
5) And the piece-de-resistance: the f-you maneuver. Once I reveal this, you must promise to give it a try. But only after you turn eighteen and never with me. You can only really enjoy the laugh if you have done it yourself and know the absolute freedom that comes with this stealth show of resistance. It must be done at work or some equally annoying situation -- one where it takes all of your focus and energy to deal with the annoyance. Let's pretend you are at your desk and your boss walks in unhappy with your work. You listen with attentiveness. You nod when appropriate. You look interested. All the while, you are flipping them off under your desk. The boss leaves feeling heard. You puts your hands back up on your desk equally enthused by the interchange. You get the laugh, the freedom of rebellion and your job. It's a win-win. Oh and you get the story...because there is always a good story that goes with the maneuver. This excellent moment can happen while dealing with a traffic stop, paying your taxes, paying up the lottery-like numbers of your most recent gas bill or any other bothersome situation. Go ahead...I dare you -- but wait a few years and please be convincing in the listening department or you will blow it. :)