|So much lighter now!|
|Caroline was worried about this whole process and so her teacher helped her out. She asked her to hold a book. Then she piled another one on top, and another, and another -- until she was holding five heavy books. She told Caroline that when you do something wrong, it feels heavy and weighs you down. Then she swooped in and removed all the books. She told her that she would feel so much lighter after Reconciliation. |
As we walked up to church, Caroline wondered aloud if she would "feel lighter". She couldn't wait to find out.
She wasn't fearful. She wasn't anxious.
She was curious.
Afterward, she sighed and said, "I'm so much lighter!"
I smiled...that lucky smile.
The smile of a momma who had someone else give their child a gift.
Someone else had given her another way to see the world.
I was so so grateful.
Walking home, I tried to hold her hand but she was skipping ahead.
My heart is always lifted when she skips...but then it remembered the twenty who no longer skip...and the many, many heavy hearts surrounding those twenty.
My heart always holds those twenty close.
I can't look at Caroline and not see them.
At her birthday, I thought of the quiet homes with no extra candle to add.
When she lost another tooth; got bolder swimming; started voraciously reading.
All of the days she spent singing, dancing, creating, laughing and telling knock knock jokes.
Six moving to seven -- 525,600 extra minutes.
What did I do with those precious extra?
How did I spend them?
Sadly and beautifully, we just went about our days...taking hikes, trying new things, making new pictures,
learning and wondering and asking and celebrating...
nothing too special...
until it's gone.
So, Newtown, Connecticut and most especially the families who have not had that extra,
I want you to know that your insane, mind-numbing loss is not forgotten.
You are alongside us on our journey now...forever.
We are lighting candles,
and choosing love every chance we get.