Showing posts with label Inclusive College. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Inclusive College. Show all posts

Friday, February 7, 2020

The Little Things



It's been a hard few days...real hard...and when that happens I sneak off to one of my favorite places in my town: 
a redwood grove.


California redwoods are slow growing and have no business being in my part of California.

They are coastal.
I'm not.

They don't like heat.
My summers routinely have 100 degree days.

Every single one of these redwoods is an outrageous miracle.

They didn't get the memo that this isn't their habitat.

That's because they were tenderly planted by people who should have known better.
People who didn't listen to the odds-makers.

Why not have a redwood grove in Davis?

So, in the late 1930's a band of renegade redwood lovers, planted and watered and BELIEVED IN the redwoods...
BELIEVED IN the beauty of this dream.

They kept at it until the impossible happened.

Voila!
90 years later we have a redwood grove in the middle of the central valley!

Every time things feel heavy...or discouraging...or impossible...
I make my way to the redwood grove and find comfort in this tiny grove of impossibility-made-real.

I soak up the beauty.
I imagine the people who took the time to plant and tend the baby redwoods so long ago.
I thank them.

So, as the past few days have been careening and I watch Republicans choose themselves over our country...and watch a rude, despicable person lead our country...and watch with fatigue at the vendettas and the grievances from a man who has literally everything...I come to the redwoods.

I decide to make it a Daily Double.

I'll see your Impossible-That-Is-Real and double it...
calling my son, who the world deems intellectually disabled, AT HIS COLLEGE.

Yes, just like those people in the central valley heat who planted redwoods, 
some educators planted another incredible impossibility:
college options for those with an intellectual disability.

Who does that?

Who believes so much in dignity and equity and freedom that they build the impossible??

The same kind of people who plant redwoods in Davis.

The kind of people who don't listen to the nay-sayers.
The people who know that the long odds are worth it.
The people willing to do the work.

The people who tend so carefully to the people that the rest of the world overlooks.

I called Patrick, my 20 year old with Down Syndrome...and he didn't pick up.
College life is like that, you know.
He's busy.

So I continued my walk and looked up.


Redwoods have soft bark...it's thick and tough but springy to the touch...it's a bit of magic...
a reminder that just because you're big doesn't mean you can't be soft too...
and redwoods have incredibly durable, beautiful wood underneath that bark.

So softness is no indicator of strength.

As I am walking, my phone rings...with Facetime.
My 20 year old is smiling and joyful.
Turns out: college is pretty awesome.

He's doing his laundry.
Folding clothes and chatting.
Laughing and smiling.



He's got his friends close by...
they share stories with me of what's been going on...
filling in the details of the little bits I hear about Patrick's days.

It's so ordinary that it takes my breath away.

I'm staring at Patrick's redwood grove of Impossiblility-Made-Real.

When Patrick was born, all the outside world told me were the things Patrick was not going to be able to do.

College?
Are you kidding?

That didn't exist.

As I held tiny newborn Patrick, my obstetrician told me what a gift it was that Patrick would be living with me for the rest of his life.
Implied that he would be a very large lamp in our living room.
Going nowhere.

No one told me Patrick would have dreams of his own.
Or thoughts of his own.
Or opinions.

No one - that I knew - imagined a world where Patrick would be a vibrant adult.

But somebody did.

On the other side of the country, a group of parents and a group of educators created a program where an independent, supported adulthood could begin.

They planted it.
Tended it.
Ignored the non-believers.

Voila!
College for people with disabilities.

Why shouldn't people with disabilities do their laundry with friends?
Why shouldn't people with disabilities attend college?
Why shouldn't they imagine a life with a solid job, a group of friends, and supported living?

Of course they should.

So today, I'm sprinkling the world with two stories of POSSIBILITY.

With enough tending, redwoods can grow in unlikely places.
With enough tending, people with Down Syndrome can go away to college.

In a cosmic way, I think that the redwoods and Patrick at college are intertwined.

There's no doubt that living in a place where the impossible really does exist
 helps to nurture other crazy, out-of-bounds dreams.

So, know that the impossible IS possible.

If you're lucky, you might even get a call.
You might witness the ordinary routine of laundry being done far away...
with smiles and chatter from friends.

You might learn the perfectly boring details of what your son had for dinner...
or what he's doing this week-end.

You might be graced with the little details of life.
That we all know aren't little at all.

You might be privileged to see a life that is an outrageous miracle.
Made possible by those that believed in the impossible.

Grateful doesn't cover it.









Sunday, November 18, 2018

Doing It On Your Own


It's been 86 days since my son went away to college.

It's been the longest he's ever been away from me and the farthest he's ever been from me physically.
He's across the country at George Mason University.

He's a California kid - see shorts that he's wearing in November - and he lives most of the time in Virginia now.

There aren't any four year college programs here in California.

Our search for colleges that are created especially for people with intellectual disabilities took us all over the country...but sadly, hardly anywhere in the west.

Every single step I wondered if it was right.

I tried to follow Patrick's lead...tried to gauge whether it was he who cared about college or me.

I wanted to be careful about pressuring him into something that wasn't right...plus I have an intense desire for each of my children to live their authentic life, not mine.

But with someone with a disability, there is usually more parent participation and looking for college was no different.

He applied.
He interviewed.
He got accepted.

And then the hard part began...we had to imagine what life without Patrick in our every day sphere would mean.

We had to be okay with him going.
We had to be more than okay...we had to be excited for him...and shove our fears and worries to the side.

86 days ago he moved into a dorm.

He lives with two other people with disabilities and a typical student who is a 4th year mechanical engineering major...from New Jersey.
His name is Stav.


This was Stav and Patrick on Move In Day...and the friendship has only grown.

What's happened for Patrick is a lot of growth...personally and emotionally. 
But something else has happened...something that you wish for each of your children and almost never can picture for your adult child with a disability.

Patrick has found a COMMUNITY.
He has something that Dr. Erik Carter from Vanderbilt University identifies so well:
BELONGING.

It has developed slowly over these months...but today, 86 days later, it is easy to spot.

When we visited Patrick and were dropping him back off in his dorm, a friend saw him, opened the door to his own room and yelled to another friend,
"Patrick's back!"

Dr. Carter speaks about true Belonging as "an ache when someone is missing" and there it was...
people noticed he was gone...people wanted him back.

He had his peeps.

When we call him and Facetime him, he is often surrounded with people:



He is busy and learning alongside of friends.

TOGETHER they have strength and courage
...they can do the hard things...
they can work through the glitches and figure it out.

Just a couple of weeks ago, we called Patrick and there were four people holding up his foot.
He showed us their faces and we asked what was going on.

Patrick had a blister...a little blood...and his crew was working together to figure out how to help.


Honestly.
Truly.
Really.

This is what we all long for...what our hearts yearn for...
we crave connection.

Today, Patrick flies across the country on his own for Thanksgiving...
only we know the truth.

This HUGE milestone would not be possible if it wasn't for the experiences he has had over these 
86 days.

He's not alone.
He has a friend of mine who is willing to take him to the airport, guide him through security and show him the way.

He has a community that believes in him 
AND OFFERS SUPPORTS WHEN NECESSARY.

Isn't that what we all need?

Watching Patrick has made me more determined than ever to create a community where I live that offers that same beauty of welcome and belonging.
Support and kindness.

Patrick is living a life that is all his...with support from so many.

That's the kind of world we all want.
The kind we all need.

This Thanksgiving, we will count milestones and blessings and be clear...
none of us do this on our own.

We need each other.
Together, with all our foibles and fumbles, we are better.

Grateful doesn't cover it.