Monday, December 14, 2015

Crazy Love

I would often see him when I was dropping Caroline off at school.
He would zip in and drop his girls off at school and head off.
He was a great big bear of a man.
His love was palpable.
Crazy love.

I knew it well.

My husband has that same kind of crazy love.

We rarely exchanged words...
maybe an occasional smile.
But because of that crazy love,
I knew I liked him.

I could feel the blanket of love he wrapped around his two girls, myself.

I didn't even know his name.

Oh, but I knew him.

Knew he'd be the kind of guy I could hang out with at a barbeque.
Someone I could dish with...
...because that crazy love was something we had in common.

Now, my chance is gone.

Yesterday, I learned his name.
Mark left us...
bound for a place filled with even crazier love.
Deeper, more mysterious.
Jaw-dropping and wonderful.
It's hard to imagine...
and all of us left behind just want another few days,
well, maybe weeks or years or 
damn it, decades.


I read a book a while ago called The Fault in Our Stars by John Green.
It's about two teenagers who have cancer.
I don't want to give anything away because I want you to read it...
it's really amazing...
but at the end someone has to speak about the terrible torture of a shortened life and uses this quote:

"Some infinities are bigger than other infinities.
There are days, many of them, when I resent the size of my unbounded set. 
I want more numbers than I'm likely to get, and God, I want more numbers for _____. 
But, my love, I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity
I wouldn't trade it for the world.
You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I'm grateful."

"a forever within the numbered days"
"our little infinity"

That's all any of us get.
Yes, some infinities are bigger than other infinities
and none of it makes any sense.

Why should someone with so much crazy love
go so soon?

Why should someone else who is a rock solid criminal live into old age in prison?

In moments like this I wonder why this love, this life, 
this chance to breathe deep and hold close those we love the most,
why must that end?

But again, I know, that I don't get to know...
not just yet.

On this side, I get to sink into the questions;
try to fight the quicksand of believing we can figure it out.

What I know...all I know...
is that energy doesn't disappear.
I know for sure that Mark's crazy love is cosmic bubble wrap surrounding his girls 
and his wife, Debi, forever.

I know that we are all better for witnessing that kind of love.
I know that his girls have been loved oh so well by their dad.

Isn't that all that matters?

How well did you love?
How deep did you love?
Who did you love?

Mark wasn't stingy.
His crazy love surrounds us all.


"We are travelers on a cosmic journey,
swirling and dancing in the eddies and whirlpools of infinity.
Life is eternal.
We have stopped for a moment to encounter each other,
to meet,
to love,
to share.
This is a precious moment.
It is a little parenthesis in eternity."
-- Paul Coelho, The Alchemist


  1. Beautiful, Beth. I think about this crazy love all the time, and remind myself to be here - now - to let it all sink in. To me, there is nothing more important than the crazy love I have here in my home.

    1. Crazy Love

      I use those words often. I practice that energy everyday.

      Beth, this was one of the most beautiful reads.....and a gentle reminder

      to spread that love

      to live it deeply

      to cherish each precious moment

      My heart and light goes out to Debi and her daughters. I give thanks for Mark in all of your lives [and even mine, as now I will continue to spread that crazy love every day]

      I love you Soul-Sister

      Peace and love, TM

    2. TM -- I KNOW that you live like this every single day. Your photos, your thoughts that are shared, your kind acts of service done for others all the time, you live with some big.time crazy love. I am blessed to know you! Thank you for letting me know that it touched your big heart. :)

    3. Jennifer -- I am with you -- your big heart just radiates in all that you do. It's beautiful to see and I'm grateful you're my neighbor! Big crazy love is the biggest blessing of all. Your kids know it. :)

  2. P.S. I have not read The Fault of our Stars. Will order it from the library tonight.

    1. TM -- if you read it, let's Skype and have a mini-book club. I'd love to hear what you think. I adore John Green. :)

  3. Replies
    1. Awww Laura, THANK YOU! Thanks for taking the time to read it and let me know. :) You're the best...and another crazy love participant. :)

  4. We are struggling deeply with Mark's death here in the Harrison home. Something brought me to your site today Beth-thank you for your infinite wisdom on all things life. You are an angel among us, just like Mark!

  5. Jennifer -- thank you for taking the time to let me know. I really appreciate it. All of us are's too hard, especially at Christmas. I wish any of it could make sense. Hugs to you and your family. You were blessed to know such an awesome guy so well.