Monday, March 11, 2013

Now is Now

"But Laura lay awake a little while, listening to Pa's fiddle softly playing and to the lonely sound of the wind in the Big Woods.  She looked at Pa on the bench by the hearth, the firelight gleaming on his brown hair and beard and glistening on the honey-brown fiddle.  She looked at Ma, gently rocking and knitting.

She thought to herself, "This is now."

She was glad that the cozy house, and Pa and Ma and the firelight and the music, were now.  They could not be forgotten, she thought, because now is now.  
It can never be a long time ago."
--Laura Ingalls Wilder

This is now: Patrick playing the bass drum with his school band.

Snuggling during a drive-through car wash = now.

Bike riding on a gorgeous spring day...also now.

So many beautiful moments.  Breath-taking.  Ordinary.  Little tiny gifts wrapped in a bow that changes every single day.  I try to be just like darling Laura Ingalls Wilder and notice, listen, savor and freeze them.  They are passing and fluid.  Moving and changing and morphing and growing and adjusting and then in a whisper...gone.

When I read those words out loud to Caroline the other night, tears were streaming down my face.  Oh to hold that moment of lying in bed next to her, smelling her just clean hair, feeling her body right against mine, listening to the words sprinkle out and create the now.  
I held my breath.  
I tried to squeeze that feeling in my heart into a corner that had never been 
and make a sacred spot for it.

I kissed my girl and tucked her in and soaked it all up.

Now is now.

How grateful I am for the myriad little pockets of time that make each day a grace-filled gift.
What does your now look like?
How do you savor it?
If you tell me your secret, I'll tell you mine.


  1. My now is little hands on my skin while the little mouth nurses (and nurses and nurses), curly hair with spaghetti sauce in it, a toothy little grin with belly laughs with every new accomplishment, a back turned to me as two tiny feet tentatively walk away to explore something, and arms reaching up asking me to hold him close after a few minutes of bold independence. I savor "now" by remembering that some day he won't want to snuggle close (let alone nurse) so nursing and nursing and nursing is good. I put my nose in his hair as I get him ready for bath and smell.....well, spaghetti sauce and baby smell! I smile and laugh back because it is just THAT funny. I watch in awe at those steps across the room and savor the snuggles I get when he realizes that he's been playing without mommy for a few minutes.

    Beth, I'm Sarah's friend, Jenni, and I have loved reading your blog!

  2. Jenni! Yay! Thank you so much for taking the time to comment. (It's my favorite part of having a blog!) And thank you so so much for sharing your now. Spaghetti and baby smell (not to mention nursing) are blessed. :) And it reminds me of so many happy days. Thank you! ~Beth
    And...any friend of Sarah's is a friend of mine. :)

  3. I can't remember which one it was, but one of your posts mentioned remembering when you were nursing and wondering you would ever stop nursing....great perspective for me! 10.5 months in and it certainly gets tiring, but I know I'll miss it when it's over :)

  4. Jenni...the crazy thing about nursing (and all of these stages of parenting) is that just when you really think it will never end and you make your peace with having it that way forever, it suddenly all changes. It morphs into something else and you focus on that and a few months later you realize that the part you were obsessing on is finally pretty much over or different or not really much of an issue anymore and now you have this other thing. It's like some sort of crazy obstacle course. But, as you can already see almost 11 months into it, it goes fast and you are never, ever the same -- in a good way. :) Enjoy that snuggly are so so lucky!